_WHAT’S BEEN UP?!?!!

right.

so, if you care at all about the movement you’re probably wondering what’s been going on. what’s up with this so-called SXSW footage. why no new posts? is he working on new music? what up with all these projects he’s been talking about? is he alive?!

the answer isn’t a short one, and i’ve been trying to pick the right time to go into a little detail about what’s been going on. seeing how my supervisor is using personal time this morning, i’m finna cut up and post all CRAZY!

1) i haven’t TOUCHED that video fam. straight up. if you’re interested, real rap don’t hold your breath.

• it’s gonna require heavy editing because some of it’s just plain unusable.
• there’s a metric-ton of it- i shot more video than still every day i was there and it’s haphazard because i’m not a videographer.
• perhaps most importantly, mac doesn’t play well with AVI, which is the native format my camera shoots in. having to convert gigabytes of  .avi into something iMovie ‘08 can handle with the assistances of the flip4mac plugin (because iMovie ‘09 can’t deal either way) is just not how i can afford to spend my precious free time. at all.
• it’s old. closing in on 2 months since i made my promises. best laid plans don’t always get you laid. live ‘n learn.

in a word or two, “yeah…probably not.” i’m tempted to just toss it so i can get the crap off my hard drive. there’s good stuff in there though so i won’t go that far. but yeah.

2) my PC appears to have bought the farm.

yes. my beloved, self-built, frankenstein-esque warmachine’s root drive seems to not be turning over at all. runs through bios and conks. wtf yo.

let me be clear. this is closing on a decade’s worth of hardwork, growth, creativity, stored in 1000s of FL Studio sessions with untold numbers of file associations i couldn’t begin to reconnect- replacing the drive would basically have to be a bit-for-bit image dupe of the drive that’s crashing now. if it’s not physical, i’m screwed because there’s a data glitch that would just repeat itself, theoretically speaking.

if it IS physical i gotta come out of pocket for data recovery.

it’s just bad. really bad. and it’s been persisting. i made a call yesterday about getting repairs done, but have yet to get a return call.

now, i should say this: i’d prefer to trash everything and start a new. i know what my bread and butter programs are, i could spend more time with Logic; the clean slate approach is good for fostering my creativity- but i can’t because i owe people mad music. so i have to figure out how to get this shit back, and i don’t know how i’m going to afford it.

if i owe you music, please be patient. i’m in crises assessment right now.

3) i’m trying to make some sense of my life & career going forward.

if you follow my blog(s) or know me personally, you know i’ve been at the proverbial crossroads with this godforsaken job for at least 3 years.  i got really close to quitting last year. i went through a really difficult finanical time, and the logic behind marrying myself to the working poor lifestyle while eschewing the dream became painfully absent. srtaight up dire straits mode.

things haven’t changed TOO much, but i’m back above water (for now) and you know what that means. the fear of capsizing again keeps me here. i’m clueless as to how to transition out of this lifestyle. and i’m impatient. the frustation that builds within that divide is overwhelming.

what i’ve been able to do more and more is take a look at the organization of my…er…organization, if you will. COMPLETE DISARRAY! so out of order that i can’t take mySELF too seriously, much less expect anybody else to. so housekeeping is in order. some difficult decisions need to be made, seal off some leaks and ice some relationships until further notice. i can do bad all by myself, this is a PROVEN fact.

what i can’t do all by myself is win. this needs to be a team effort, a small, dedicated team of individuals with talents and chutzpah and work ethic. i need it to rub off on me. pause. so, as i’m sifting out the bullshit clogging my pipes, pause, i’m looking for new foks to work into the fold. pause?

so it may be quiet around here, for a bit. it’s gonna take a little time, as i’m not good at this shit, at all. i have to be patient with myself, patient with my business, and patient with the world, as we know they can be very slow to recognize a star.

yeah.

stay tuned tho.

_ESCAPE

i need one. at least, i feel like i do. just a break from all the monotony that is the cacophony that is my life.

make sense?

there’s a lot going on around here, music and otherwise. it can get to be too much. OFTEN. between being sick recently and dealing with job stress, financial fuckery and interpersonal complications, the drowning feeling has been all too familiar.

so, i’m hoping sxsw provides some respite. word to my donation box, i won’t be ponying up the cash for a full music pass since i can’t afford one (i completely and utterly appreciate those who did find it in themselves to contribbit, though ) i’ll be more observing than expecting networking miracles this year. i’ll be missing all of the seminars and whatever else goes on for the pass-holders, but i will be catching performances and mulling around the events getting it in that way. SXSW deserves a bit more preparation than what i provided this year; i know that now and will be ready, should there be a next time.

but a secondary benefit of this week plus of being away from home is just a little escape. i’m completely unfocused at work. its to the point where every day i feel like i should be apologizing to my supervisor for my mediocre performance before i leave. over the past month, beats have felt like a job. my workflow isn’t optimized so it’s been a trial to get at the machine and start making shit i’m proud of. there’s been some dope one offs, but for the most part it’s been a time to make the donuts thing. what makes that worse is when i gotta hunt the paper down. i’ll be glad to escape the grind, i’m going to force myself to not think about anything but enjoying myself in a completely new environment for a few days. i’ll be seeing my aunt for a few days too, as she lives in Austin. i’ll be escaping this temperamental weather here in Philly, too. it’s looking like mild summer days in Austin. i’ll be bringing mad shorts.

it’s weird, but i haven’t had an official vacation where i traveled out of the city for an extended period of time since like…2005! i have to look at that entire stretch of time as a long stretch of continually compounding unrest!

so, needless to say, i’m excited. i’m trying to be careful not to put too much pressure on the time away, especially since it’s really only a week. i’ve done that before- “this is gonna be a full reset, i’m gonna do this,  i’m gonna do that, i’m gonna return %100″. but i do want to try to shed some stress while i’m away.

i’m also gonna try to do a little video blogging while  i’m there. i’m sure things would have been a little more interesting if i had been able to get my pass, but it’s all good. i’m creative, i can make a can of pork n beans interesting!

________

BABIES!

my baby sister is pregnant with her 1st child, actually she’s the first of my siblings to have children, so we’re all very excited for her due date, which is actually the day i leave for Austin. wack juice, right? here’s hoping she blows early or mad late!

i attended her baby shower on saturday. she’s huge!

that looks like it hurts. lolz

can’t wait!

aight. i’m goin to bed!